Until my birth mother passed away on June 13, 2016; she would tell me this story over and over again trying to understand why I worked in the adoption community, at a local adoption agency in Arizona, why I valued adoptions, and why her adoption went the way it did. I am writing this part of the blog in the first person, from her perspective because I can still hear her voice, the inflections she used, the contagious laugh she had, and the volume she produced.
Her Story
“I swear I didn’t know I was pregnant, during that time pea coats and those kind of loose tops were in fashion, so I was wearing regular clothes. I remember going to buy a new winter coat, and that it had to be bigger, nothing fit right. My stomach was getting bigger, yes, but I thought I was just getting fat. I craved broccoli and chocolate dipped cherries all the time. I ran with the greaser crowd, my sister and I both did. Right before Christmas, my mom took me to the doctor to find out why my stomach was so big. The doctor lifted my blouse and said, “Ma’am, your daughter is about to have a baby any day now.” Swear to God, my mother passed out, right there at that very moment. I started begging the doctor to tell her that I hadn’t had sex and it must have happened another way, that she would kill me! My mother came to, and she and the doctor went into another room, spoke together and came back and informed me I would be giving up the baby for adoption. The doctor said he knew of an attorney and would contact him. It was December 1972, I had just turned sixteen years old, and my baby would be born three weeks later.”
Adoption is Your Choice
Adoption should always be a choice, one that is made by the birth mother, not one that is made on the birth mother’s behalf. Choosing adoption is a beautiful choice and an amazing selfless sacrifice. You are in control of your body; your baby and adoption is YOUR choice. Making an adoption plan is an amazing way to maintain control over how you want your adoption to play out. An open adoption is an option that was not common in 1972/1973. A local adoption agency that can emotionally, mentally, and financially assist you throughout and after your pregnancy is more personal than a few meetings with an attorney. There is unplanned pregnancy help in adoption which is the best alternative to abortion. A local adoption agency can assist you in placing your baby for adoption in a loving and supportive way. This was very different from the way adoptions occurred in 1973. Giving my biological grandmother full credit, she was a single mother at the time, and my biological mother was the third youngest of nine children. My grandmother worked full time outside the home and had her hands full. Her choice of adoption turned out to be an amazing and beautiful choice for me. The biggest and the only regret I have about my adoption story is the way my mother was treated during the adoption process and after. She received no emotional, mental or financial support, there were no adoption aftercare services, and she was to keep my birth and adoption a secret.
The Donna K. Evans Foundation
The lack of support negatively affected her then and throughout the rest of her life. This is the reason that our local adoption agency in Arizona developed an adoption aftercare program in honor of my late biological mother. It is named the Donna K. Evans Foundation. We want women to have the support and assistance they need after they place their baby for adoption, to know that there is hope and promise for them as well. Making an Arizona adoption plan with us here at Building Arizona Families, you WILL receive the support you need. There is financial assistance available. We are a local adoption agency in Arizona. Feel free to reach out to us 24/7/365!
My name is Maria Rubalcaba and I have been in the Social Work Field since 2016. I have an Associates of Arts in Elementary Education and a Bachelors of Science in Human Services with a concentration in Children and Families degrees. I am a mother of 2 and a wife! I am from Southern California. I enjoy the outdoors, cooking, hiking, crafting, going to the movies, dancing and spending quality time with the family.
Birth Mother Rights
You have the right to not be coerced by any person into relinquishing a child for adoption.
You have the right to receive professional and competent assistance and to be treated with dignity.
You have the right to receive services from the agency without discrimination on the basis of age, sex, religion, ethnic background, cultural heritage, national origin, marital status, sexual preference, or special needs.
You have the right to participate in the development of a service plan designed to meet your needs and the needs of your child. You have the right to receive a copy of this plan.
You have the right to receive a written policy from the agency outlining your responsibilities.
You have the right to receive copies of all agency documents that you may be requested to sign.
You have the right to be informed of the legal consequences of a voluntary surrender or an involuntary termination of parental rights.
You have the right to receive information about the different types of adoption.
You have the right to information regarding the agency’s criteria for selecting adoptive parents.
You have the right to receive a description of the adoptive parent(s) and to assess their ability to meet your child’s needs.
You have the right to request that your child be placed with a family that observes a particular religion.
You have the right to be advised of the nature and extent of the expenses which adoptive parents are legally permitted to pay on behalf of birth parents. You also have the right to be advised of alternative sources available for payment of such expenses.
You have the right to be advised of the agency’s policy regarding contacting birth parents in the event of a disrupted adoption.
You have the right to be informed of the legal process that children may use to locate their birth parents and that birth parents may use to locate their children. This includes a description of the information available to children, adoptive parents, and birth parents under Arizona law.
You have the right to certain services after placing your child for adoption. The agency will either directly offer these follow-up services or refer you to other providers.
You have the right to general information regarding current adoption issues, practices, and laws.
You have the right to know that the agency cannot enforce any private agreements between birth parents and adoptive parents.
You have the right and responsibility to update the information in your agency case record at any time by sending a written update statement to the agency.
You have the right to have your agency case record maintained in accordance with the confidentiality requirements of applicable Arizona and federal law.
You have the right not to be the subject of agency activities without your written consent including research, fundraising, or publicity by the agency.
If you have a grievance, you have the right to participate in a grievance procedure in accordance with the agency’s written policy. You also have the right to pursue legal action on your own.
Our Services
Building Arizona Families believes in the beautiful choice of adoption. We understand that it is your right to choose.
If parenting is your choice, we celebrate you and your decision to parent.
If adoption is your choice, in addition to counseling both before and after birth, we can assist you in providing the following:
Counseling regarding your rights
Assistance with selecting and getting to know the potential adoptive family
Assistance with choosing the type of adoption, including contact with the adoptive family and child after birth
Communication with the biological father
Assistance with creating a hospital plan
AHCCCS (Medical Insurance- if you qualify)
Medical Insurance
Hospital support
Assistance with Community Resources
WIC
EBT
Food Boxes
If you qualify for assistance with living expenses, we may be able to assist you with the following:
What are my financial resources? What is my level of income?
What are my emotional resources? Who will support me during this pregnancy?
Who will emotionally support me if I parent my child?
Where would I live if I choose to parent my child? Do I have room in my home if I choose to parent my child?
What income level will I need to pay for rent, formula, diapers, day care, and baby supplies? (It’s smart for the individual to actually do an estimated budget. It’s also helpful to talk to a friend or family member who is parenting a child to get an estimate on the average monthly cost of formula, diapers, clothing and health care.)
Who can help me financially? Parents, spouse, partner, government assistance?
What are my long term goals for my self?
How does this pregnancy affect those goals?
How does parenting a child affect those goals?
What are my goals for this child?
What is my concept of being a good parent to child?
What options have I considered?
What are the immediate consequences of those options?
What are the long term consequences of those options?
What are the potential gains for myself if I choose adoption?
What are the potential losses for myself if I choose adoption?
What are the potential gains for others if I choose adoption?
How will I approve of myself if I make an adoption plan?
How will I disapprove of myself if I make an adoption plan?
How will others approve or disapprove of me if I make an adoption plan?
How much will I consider the opinion of others in making this decision?
8433 N Black Canyon Hwy Building 6, Suite 152 Phoenix, AZ 85021
Birth Mother Testimonials
“I was so conflicted, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do a open, semi-open or closed adoption. Thanks to the counseling that Building Arizona Families provided I was able to find out the difference, my rights and that helped me ultimately choose what was best for me and my baby.” – Andrea
“Building Arizona Families is an amazing adoption agency. I wasn’t sure about my decision to place my child for adoption at first and was struggling with whether I was making the right decision for my unborn child. My anxiety was put to ease when my case manager Lindsay walked Kenny (my boyfriend) and I through the process and helped me with my emotions. Lindsay has been a good support system for me. I got to choose an adoptive family with no rush. I was no longer homeless and had some kind of financial support. I was able to meet Kelly the director of the agency right away, as well as other employees (Heather, Jessica, and Celine) who have helped to make my experience better. I walked into the agency a mess, but I know I will leave with confidence and success in bettering my life. Thank you to everyone at Building Arizona Families.” – Clarivel
“Everyone from the receptionist to the founder of the company, Kelly, is so nice and kind, and it’s a genuine kindness. They really care about your well-being as well as your baby’s well-being. Even the birth father if he is in the picture. I had the best case manager that I have ever worked with. Lindsay is kind, honest, hardworking, and loyal. She is a problem solver. If she didn’t know something or wasn’t sure how to go about a situation, she was going to figure it out. You don’t see people like her often enough in this tough world we live in.
I was able to pick my adoptive family. The couple I picked wanted an open adoption just like I did. They have been together for 20 years and they live in Kentucky. Both ladies have great jobs and they live in a small town surrounded by family. They were a perfect fit for Seth and I. That is what they named him. I got to Skype or call them twice a week, so I could really get to know them. You are not going to find a more caring, kind, and honest adoption agency.
I urge you if you are thinking about placing your little one up for adoption – the hardest, most selfless action you will ever make – use Building Arizona Families. The end result is this: My child has a wonderful family that can provide for him. I am off drugs and in my own apartment and working. I am now taking care of my 19 year old son instead of him taking care of me and I am looking forward to going back to school. Building Arizona Families was the catalyst to make all those things happen.” – Roberta
The Adoption Process
Building Arizona Families is a non-profit, licensed adoption agency dedicated to providing the services families need to complete the adoption process.
We offer birth mothers the unique opportunity to select the couple that will be their child’s “forever family”. These adoptive families have completed background checks with the FBI, the Arizona Department of Public Safety, and Child Protective Services. Therefore, you can feel at ease knowing that all aspects of the adoptive family’s life have been reviewed by the court and they have been approved to adopt a child.
Once a match is made, you can meet the family, get to know them, and feel comfortable with the choice you have made.
Adoptive family and birth parent interactions prior to delivery can include (but are not limited to):
• Meeting for dinner at a local restaurant • Talking on the phone about the pregnancy • Attending doctor’s appointments/ultrasounds together • Swapping photos, histories, family stories with each other • Sharing the birth experience (either during labor/delivery or immediately after) • Staying together at the hospital, if desired • Post-adoption letters, updates, and pictures
Each birth and adoptive family situation is unique and can be tailored to be the kind of experience that gives you, the birth parent, true peace of mind. You will have the ability to really know the people your child will call their family and they, in turn, will be able to tell your child about you and the loving decision you made.