Ron Reigns:

Welcome, and thank you for joining us on Birth Mother Matters in Adoption with Kelly Rourke-Scarry and me, Ron Reigns, where we delve into the issues of adoption from every angle of the adoption triad.

Speaker 2:

Do what’s best for your kid and for yourself, because if you can’t take care of yourself, you’re definitely not going to be able to take care of that kid and that’s not fair.

Speaker 3:

And I know that my daughter would be well taken care of with them.

Speaker 4:

Don’t have an abortion, give this child a chance.

Speaker 5:

All I could think about was needing to save my son.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

My name is Kelly Rourke-Scarry. I’m the Executive Director, President and Co-founder of Building Arizona Family’s adoption agency, the Donna Kay Evans Foundation, and creator of the You Before Me campaign. I have a Bachelor’s degree in family studies and human development and a Master’s degree in education with an emphasis in school counseling. I was adopted at the age of three days, born to a teen birth mother, raised in a closed adoption and reunited with my birth mother in 2007. I have worked in the adoption field for over 15 years.

Ron Reigns:

And I’m Ron Reigns. I’ve worked in radio since 1999. I was the co-host of two successful morning shows in Prescott, Arizona. Now I work for my wife, who’s an adoption attorney, and I’m able to combine these two great passions and share them on this podcast.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

Today we’re going to be talking about adoption profile books. And adoption profile books are books that prospective families who want to adopt a child, will create for birth mothers or birth fathers or both, to see when choosing an adoptive family. The adoption profile book includes pictures, possibly a letter to a birth mother, and explains their lives. Everything from pets to their favorite things, their home, and just a little bit about them. Their extended relatives of the families that want to adopt a child are sometimes is included. What type of jobs they have. It’s really a snapshot, or many of them, into their actual lives. Kind of in a scrapbook format is the best way I think that you could use to describe what an adoption profile book is.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

They’re really fun to look through after you’ve made them. I know lots of birth mothers in our agency, they get to keep the book that the adoptive family has created. And it’s something that they hang onto probably for the rest of their lives. And it’s also neat when adoptive families make these, because when they wind up adopting their child and their child grows up, their child can look through the profile book and see this memento of how their adoption came to be. It’s just one artifact that they can hang onto.

Ron Reigns:

And I also see it as a glimpse into … Especially for the birth parents who want to adopt a child, a glimpse into what their child’s life could be like with this family. And it’s a precious thing.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

It is a precious thing. So Robyn is the match coordinator for Building Arizona Families and has assisted hundreds of prospective adoptive families who want to adopt a child to adopt a child, create and review their adoption profile books. And you are also an adoptive mother yourself.

Robyn:

I am.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

So I have to ask you, before we jump in and hear your tips and tricks about adoption profile books. You’ve done your own.

Robyn:

I did.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

And looking back now at your adoption profile book, would you say that, would you keep it the way that it was or would you change it?

Robyn:

I would probably make a little bit of changes, but I’m happy. I’m still looking back at it now, I’m happy with the pictures that I chose, which is obviously a huge part of it.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

Okay. What are the top three most important things in an adoption profile book for couples who want to adopt a child?

Robyn:

First, I would say selecting the correct pictures, the right pictures. Second, I always tell people to watch for personal identifying information, because that can sneak in on you when you even don’t expect it. If you have a military person putting a picture of them in uniform, they need to remember that their name is on that. I’ve had teachers take pictures in front of their classrooms and they’ve had their name there. I’ve had people put pictures of their house in there with house numbers. So just remember that personal identifying information to be taken out.

Robyn:

And then I always tell families to always, always include why adoption. Because I think every birth mother that views the profile books wants to know that, why did they choose adoption?

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

Good. Okay. And what’s your opinion on the birth mother’s letters?

Robyn:

I think if you’re going to have one, put it in the front of the book but I would keep it to two paragraphs. Lately, I have been having people not put them in their book, but when we go to show birth mothers to put a separate letter, that way you can tailor it and make it more original, and not just your typical birth mother letter. You can tailor it to that specific birth mom.

Robyn:

So they won’t put a birth mother letter in their book, but they will add one to just … For us to print and slip in the front of the book for the birth mother to read when she’s reviewing.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

And what are some suggestions you have about the books? I’ve helped birth mothers choose, but you see the books and work with them prior to that. So what are some recommendations you have?

Robyn:

I would say, again, be very picky about the pictures that you select. I think candid pictures are good throughout your profile book. I think that you need to have no long paragraphs, like that birth mother letter. And if you’re going to do that, keep it short. I think bulleted points work good. I think that you should always, again, always answer why adoption, but I think you should definitely include family holidays and traditions.

Robyn:

And if you do put pictures of your family with other children, make sure you say who those other children are. Because you can look at those pictures and be confused as to, “Okay, does this family have children? Who are these people?” So when you’re putting those pictures in there, always try to explain your pictures.

Ron Reigns:

Now, when somebody who wants to adopt a child is putting together one of these books, actually, you see these all the time. So what’s one of the more common missteps? Is it the identifying information? I mean, what is one thing that you see more often than anything else that you would advise against?

Robyn:

Definitely the identifying information. And then I think people need to select maybe a professional picture on the front with your family, a posed picture on the front, but yet put some candid pictures throughout. Because I think birth mothers commonly misunderstand the pictures if you don’t explain what those pictures are. So when you have your pictures in there of Christmas, tell your different traditions, don’t just stick pictures in there.

Robyn:

So I think some for families who want to adopt a child, it’s either one extreme or the other, they get too wordy or they don’t put enough. Because you definitely want to know how they spend their holidays and how they spend their summers and why they chose adoption, but yet some will put too much information and it’s going to get lost in those paragraphs.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

What is your favorite and your least favorite things to see when you’re looking at a book?

Robyn:

Wow. My favorite is probably those holiday pictures and traditions, how families who want to adopt a child spend their holidays. Because you get to see such a wide variety of that. My least favorite is the ones that just stick pictures in there and don’t tell anything.

Robyn:

I look at this as your chance to connect with that birth mother and make that connection and make them want to know more. And if you can make them want to know more, that could lead to your match. It could lead to a phone call prior to your match to ask those more questions, but definitely use the information and the pictures that’s going to draw that attention to wanting to know more.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

How many times have you seen a profile book and said, “I think we need to send this back.” And sent it back before we would even show it.

Robyn:

Yeah. Oh, numerous times. And I try very hard not to hurt feelings when we do that, but just to give constructive criticism. And they may not change it, they may think say, “No, this is what I want to go with.” But I try to be very nice and explain to them, “This is your chance to get her attention.”

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

What would be the best advice that you could give and that you would’ve wished when you did yours, that you had known?

Robyn:

I wish I had used a better program on the computer because when I did mine, I honestly went through a … I don’t remember if it was Walgreens or CVS, but just a little program like that. I wish I had gotten a little bit more creative with the actual programs that are out there right now. I definitely wish that I was done my research.

Robyn:

And then I wish I had gotten feedback. I think it’s important to show to as many people as you can show to, even if they’re not in the adoption world. You could go to family members and say, “Look, what do I need to change here? What needs to be added, what needs to be taken out?” And definitely have the eyes for people to look at extra identifying information that could be hidden in there. And for typos, because we’ve had a lot of books go to be printed and they have typos and grammar mistakes in there. So I would definitely have somebody to review those.

Ron Reigns:

Now, when you say you should have other people review these and take a look at it. Do you think it would help them to have, not necessarily strangers, but somebody a little bit less associated than a family member for instance, because they might give you a more raw, honest truth about it when they look at it.

Robyn:

Absolutely. I would definitely go that route and have the most amount of feedback that you can have on it. And take it as constructive criticism, not try to let it hurt your feelings.

Ron Reigns:

Yeah.

Robyn:

I know that that’s easier said than done, but you want people to be brutally honest with it. Again, because this is your chance to get her attention and to make that connection.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

Robyn, thank you so much for joining us today and giving some advice. I know that I, myself, learned things to every time I talk to you. So I really appreciate it.

Robyn:

You are very welcome. I hope you all have a good day.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

All right.

Ron Reigns:

You too, thank you.

Robyn:

Great. Bye-bye.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

I’m so grateful to have Robyn back on our podcast again and listening to her talk about her passion for adoption. And helping to connect adoptive families with birth mothers, and increasing the bond between them, just in this initial step of the adoption profile book. Robyn is, personally and professionally, vested in adoptions, having adopted herself through Building Arizona Families, years and years and years ago. And she is a real asset to adoptive families. Her knowledge, like I said, both personally and professionally, is unprecedented.

Kelly Rourke-Scarry:

And I think that she is just an amazing person. And for families who want to adopt a child who are coming into our adoption program, make sure that you reach out to her and you get her words of wisdom as you’re working on your adoption profile book.

Ron Reigns:

Thank you for joining us on Birth Mother Matters in Adoption. If you’re listening and you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy and want more information about adoption, Building Arizona Families as a local Arizona adoption agency and available 24, four, seven by phone or text at six, two, three, six, nine, five, 41, 12. That’s six, two, three, six, nine, five, four, one, one, two. We can make an immediate appointment with you to get started on creating an Arizona adoption plan or just get you more information. You can also find out more information about Building Arizona Families on their website at azpregnancyhelp.com.

Ron Reigns:

Thanks also go out to Grapes for allowing us to use their song, I Don’t Know, as our theme song. Birth Mother Matters in Adoption was written and produced by Kelly Rourke-Scarry and edited by me. Please rate and review this podcast wherever you’re listening to us, we’d really appreciate it. We also now have a website at birthmothermatterspodcast.com. Tune in next time on Birth Mother Matters in Adoption for Kelly Rourke-Scarry. I’m Ron Reigns.