What Birth Mothers Wish Everyone Knew (And Believed)
Birth Mothers like you need to be able to voice your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. I am not speaking for you – only on your behalf. Your beautiful choice of adoption needs to be understood and celebrated. From the years spent listening, I know that there are many things birth mothers like you think about, dream about and pray for when placing a child for adoption. Having the strength and courage to place your baby for adoption is heroic, and knowing you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings is so important.
I believe the thoughts below represent many birth mothers who make the loving choice to place their baby for adoption.
1) I did not place my child because this was just an unplanned pregnancy or a mistake. When I was pregnant, thinking about adoption, I made a decision. I made an adoption plan for my baby. I placed my baby for adoption because I put him/her first and loved him/her enough to do what I believed and still believe is the best choice for my child.
2) I chose adoption because I love my child. I want my child to have the best chance at life with opportunities I may not be able to provide.
3) In the future, I am trusting you to answer my child’s questions about adoption, please be truthful. Please remind my child that their mother’s love was the motivation for adoption.
4) I hope you will always respect me to my child when discussing me. I may not have always said or done the right things during my pregnancy, but I chose adoption and I chose you to be my child’s parents.
5) My adoption choice affected, and continues to affect more than just me. He/she may have siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other people who love and miss him/her.
6) Some days I struggle more than others and your letters and pictures help. Please keep sending them.
7) I hope that you will teach my child about me; my heritage, my culture and my roots.
8) I will never stop thinking about my child. He/she will always be a part of who I am. We not only share DNA, but we shared the same breath for nine months, I will always be a part of him/her and he/she will always be a part of me.
9) I would never disrupt my child’s adoptive family. When I was finding a family for my baby, I chose you. I handed my baby to you and I signed the adoption consents so my child could become part of your family. My desire to be a part of my child’s life through letters, pictures, and maybe visits are just because I love and miss my child. The reassurance that my child is doing well when I receive from contact with you is immeasurable.
10) In my mind, you will be my child’s Mom and Dad and I am okay with that. You will raise my child with your family traditions, beliefs and values. I trust you to cherish my child. That is why I chose you.
We are here to help. Our adoption services are free to birth mothers. We can also provide many resources to support you during and after your pregnancy. Please call or text us at 623.695.4112. We’re here to listen 24/7.